Dark Night of the Soul: The Downward Cycle - A Conversation
I asked Acharya Shree Yogeesh yesterday, "Why do I feel so down right now? A few years ago, I was on a spiritual high. Everything was bright, uplifting, and beautiful. These days I seem so bitter because I am seeing all these negativities within me, and reflect this back onto to the world. In my eyes, the world is just a monster...forget the peace, love, and beauty. What is happening with me?"
"You are currently in a downward cycle right now, that is why everything appears so dark and negative."
"How long has this been going on for?"
"Over a year now, starting February last year [2008]."
"I thought I was suppose to continue to grow spiritually higher and higher, and not fall?"
"Every person who takes the real step, will experience this downward cycle and resistance up to many years, depending on the soul."
"How many more months or years do I have left? Ending in August [2009] would be great for me!" (I have to plug in my jokes.)
"You will have almost 2 years more in this downward cycle."
"2 years! I feel like I am 'suffering' daily and cannot do this for 2 more years. What can I do to speed up this cycle?"
"If you put more efforts, increase your humbleness and dissolve your resistance, in your case, this will help you."
"Why am I going through all of this?"
"Most people go through this stage for 2 - 3 years after taking Diksha, because they are learning to adjust to a new life. You are fortunate you are in an ashram far away from the city, because you are slowly adjusting and learning without much distraction and disturbance. If you were in the city, with people visiting you all the time, you would have literally went crazy."
"Why crazy?"
"Because you will see the nature of people too much and all too fast. People can praise and criticize you, multiple times in a day, you would not be able to handle it. People are very cunning and deep down very negative, and you would have been affected by this. But because there are less people in this ashram, and its far from the city, it is a perfect atmosphere for your downward cycle."
"What happens after my downward cycle, then do I just go up and up, or will I go down again."
"After this cycle, you will continue to raise higher and higher, and although there will be other downard cycles, you will not be affected by it. You are fortunate to have gone through this very early, because one sadhvi (nun) I know, who is very popular in India, went through her downward cycle at the peak of her popularity and establishments of more ashrams and schools. She completely fell apart, because it was too overwhelming - the atmosphere, and how far down she went. Some people never leave the cycle, as she lives in full ego now."
"Well, 2 more years is too long for me. I am continually discovering layer by layer all the darkness that covers the soul. It makes me confused sometimes, when you say I am a very good soul, but I look at myself and see so much illusions, karma, and ignorance. How do I get rid of all of this?"
A Parable on How One Dissolves and Drops their Negative Qualities
"Let me tell you a story...
4 men were leaving town to find business, and came upon a saint. The saint said to go to this mountain behind him as there was a lot of Silver. The 4 men listened and went to the Silver mine. They were shocked, and picked up all the silver they could carry.
When they started to leave, they came upon another saint. The saint said there is a mountain behind him with a lot of gold. So the 4 men listened, carried their silver (just in case the saint was lying at least they had the silver) and went to mountain of gold. The saint was right, there was a lot of gold. 3 of the 4 men dropped the silver, and went to grab the gold. The 4th guy said, I will hold onto this silver. Silver is safe, but this gold might be unreal. I am happy with my silver.
So, after the 3 men picked up their gold, all 4 began walking to town and met another saint. The saint said there was a mountain full of diamonds behind him, and to go there. Forget the gold, get the diamonds. All 4 men were hesitant, but because they knew the saints had lead them to silver and gold, why not see if there were diamonds. As soon as they reached the diamonds, they dropped the gold, and began collecting the precious stones. The 4th man said to the other 3 men that the silver was real and that the diamonds may not. They took their chances and the 3 walked back to their town with diamonds, and the 4th man with his silver.
The 3 men became very rich and the 4th man, poor.
Here is the moral of the story: When you taste something better, you automatically drop what is in your hand. Meaning, once you taste 100% compassion, you drop your anger automatically. There is no question or doubt in your mind, you just drop it, because you are immersed in something that is better and higher. The 3 men were very wise. As soon as they reached each new height of a mountain, they dropped (without controlling it, forcing it, or asking it) what was in their hands and gained something new. The unwise 4th man, was very sad and disappointed because he felt safe with what he had, and did not take the chance to explore something new.
Anytime you taste something new, you drop the old. Once you taste 100% bliss, everything else drops, automatically."
Spiritual Realizations...
This short story made a lot of sense to me. It taught me that I do not have to control or focus all of my attention on how to work on my anger. What is more important is focusing in meditation, experiencing higher and higher states, and automatically anger will be dropped from my system.
It's a powerful message, and it put me in a trance for the rest of the day. Why? Because the teaching hit the core of my being, so I can never forget it.
Acharya Shree stated after, "People do not remember the one line truth, but they remember the stories, then remember the point of it. That is how people learn."
So, to conclude this entry, my lesson in order to push myself out of the downward cycle, is to go higher and higher, deeper and deeper, into my meditations and know the core of my soul. As all the negativies, once I taste the liberating truth, will be automatically dropped from my soul.
