Life, Anger...Seriously
Sometimes I take life way too seriously. Life IS serious, it's about being "deep and knoweldgable," but honestly what picks me up during my moments of anger, and frustration, is the ability to turn my problem or lack of understanding into something to laugh at...usually laughing at myself.
Acharya Shree tells me all the time, and everyone else, that anger is just energy not flowing correctly. I never knew another way to release my anger except for yelling, or punching walls (this was awhile ago, but I used to do it). When I moved to the ashram, I dedicated my life to learning more about myself, uncovering the veils of illusion that I was in the grip of, and finding truth. When I moved, a person does not change right away and instantly becomes holy and saintly. A person that becomes a monk, takes their whole life before (the good, the bad, the ugly) into their new home and lifestyle. After a lot of time, they are adjusted and know how to be themselves again, and then once adjusted learns how to dissolve their negativities, lower qualities, and much more. Any change, even good change, can come as a shock to any person.
Anger before Diksha
So, I had many habits from my "pre-diksha" life (and still have some). My outlet for anger was quite the negative - holding it in, controlling it, never expressing it, then once I am able to express it, its knuckles up against a door or wall - my mind thinking it feels better, my knuckles bruised and throbbing. So outrage expressions at the ashram welcomed? NO! I am here to live a life of non-violence and peace, but because deep rooted anger does not disappear over night, it rises within me sometimes.
Like everything else, anger is a reaction, it is a habit. So, in order to dissolve any habit, new and positive habits must appear. Once, the new habit has replaced the bad habit, then understanding releases you from the habits.
Why am I telling you this?
Because, everyone has bad habits, and 99.9% of the world has anger in their hearts. Maybe they thought they forgave someone, but deep down didn't according to the laws of karma, etc. People believe they are truly happy for someone, but deep down they are full of jealousy, and so on. Such mishaps of energy can be deceiving, but my point is, everyone has weaknesses, and its normal and okay.
Back to my negative habits of expressing anger. With negative expressions unwelcomed and not promoted at the ashram, it took me several months (and I still feel I am at the beginning stages) of finding a new way to release the anger.
Anger isn't something that comes and goes, it is like gasoline at the bottom of your stomach, anytime a match gets near it, it lights up and you are fuming. The anger can burn for a few seconds or it can burn for the rest of your life. The key thing with anger is that you cannot control it, but you can become aware and awareness kills the fire. Note that although the fire is put out, gasoline still remains. Until all the gasoline is gone, anger remains. Once the gasoline is dissolved, you have completely dissolved your anger. Once you have completely dissolved your anger (or other qualities), you are liberated.
Since I moved here, the time "I am on fire" is transformed from 2 days to only a few minutes. Acharya Shree says this is one of my greatest improvements so far. He says that my understanding and awareness has helped me in this area of my growing.
Only recently, have I turned to laughter as my solution to "put out the fire."
Acharya Shree Yogeesh's Role as a Spiritual Master, Teacher
Acharya Shree's goal is to help me become a liberated soul. He cannot liberate me, but he can guide me on my path. Big Difference. So, as a teacher, he must trigger me with certain words that he knows will light up the gasoline. It is like he throws a lighted match at me and wants to see how I will react. Cruel? No. Remember, a spiritual teacher's purpose is to liberate you from anything that covers your soul. Unless he or she triggers the student, the gasoline will remain dormant and cover the soul. However, if the master ignites the fire, he or she knows that the gasoline will dissolve and go away. After many experiences, the student learns to be watchful and aware of what the master is doing, and it is up to the student to learn how to not react and be relaxed. It is during relaxation the gasoline dissolves at a faster rate.
However, because we are in the cycle of birth and death, pain and suffering, most people learn when they are burning. After time, experience, and understanding a student realizes that relaxation and non-reaction is the way to dissolves their lower qualities, and ultimately live in true peace and harmony.
Laughing: My Spiritual Soul's Medicine
Because of improvement and my reactions lasting only several minutes (versus days, weeks, years, and YES lifetimes) I am able to somehow muster a funny line (to me) so that I laugh at myself, or the situation. This instance turns off the flames, and helps me to become centered again. Weird I know, but a sample line would be (the above) and I am yelling and laughing at the same time "Can't you just give me Enlightenment ALREADY!" From anger to laughter instantly...I am in the present, I am in the moment, I am in the now and no longer consumed by the fire of ignorance.
This is what works for me...everyone is different. I wanted to share this because, as I mentioned before, everyone is angry...even the most "peaceful appearing monk." Unless they are completely liberated, there is always a particle of ego, anger, or other negative quality shaddowing their soul.
