Mantras for Spiritual Healing

Outer Appearances of Spirituality
Written by Sadhvi Siddhali Shree Wednesday, 08 June 2005 18:00

More and more everyday – I have the feeling and inner desire to serve God and only Him. His will, his love, his everything to guide my life fully without my own desires. Basically surrendering. In this moment I feel I am shrouded with the outfit of a nun, the symbol of renunciation, the symbol of having God priority in my life. But a uniform or appearance doesn’t define a person. It is their heart that prays to God or meditates on God that matters, not what they wear or how they “appear in society.” A swami can wear his gown, but be full of ego. I’d rather wear regular clothes yet have the purest heart. No one can judge anyone by the outside – I must look at their heart, their soul, their being.

You may have the kindest man, yet they may appear to live in poverty and are homeless, yet this man would give his life to rescue your child from getting hit by a car. Why do we live in a world of outer appearance. We must see, I must see beyond these clothes, beyond nakedness of the human body, but into the heart and soul of every person. Someone may pick up the spiritual life and appear “holy.” The priest blesses the child who hasn’t confessed, yet doesn’t give them the body of Christ because they are “impure” and have mortal sin on their heart. God is an all – loving God. We bring this to the children. Our own ignorance our own fears, and prevent them from finding the truth. Are we afraid to know the truth? Why prevent the truth? Does scientific matter or does faith matter. Or does experience matter and our own perceptions.
“Blessed are those who believe, yet haven’t seen.”

On this beatitude, I relate this verse to meditation. I give kudos to those who consistently meditate and don’t see anything. This is for me. I have a lot of trust and faith in God and Highest Self, yet there’s a part of me who is afraid and scared to know what the truth is. I have known my whole life what Catholicism has always taught me, and it is the foundation of me, yet there is so much more to the truth that is presented through the church. Like meditation and going beyond body and into soul.

I have recently realized, actually yesterday when I was discussing my plans or hopes for my future that I have to leave everything behind, whether it be mental attachment or even in the physical realm. I must leave my past behind me, leave my family and friends, leave my life behind in order to pursue the truth life I want. Leaving my parents has occurred already and also leaving the church. My life is already dedicated to Self-Search, but once I leave Iraq it will be even more intense and more interesting and fascinating. At the same time I am fearful. I have associated my Self with so much already, my challenges, my accomplishments, my past, my friends, my guilt trips, my anger trips, my meditations and so forth. To leave it all behind and again key word to just BE and CREATE the new me.

I have an idea whats ahead of me. Little things spark up here and there, like “I want to come back to Iraq, or I want to visit Jerusalem, I want to start my own meditation center, I want to be meditating all the time in my waking moments and live in eternal awareness.”But those are outer things, I realized right now. I want to teach, that’s outer. I want to help people, that’s outer. I want to build a center, outer. But how can I do all the outer things without the inner guidance? I’m doing my best to pursue the life I want, but I am realizing I have to leave much behind...Or at least be non-attached to it.